Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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