oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
