Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
