Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think your dad took our porno
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
