The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
