oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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