is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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