omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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