I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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