In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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