Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
being pregnant is like rehab
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
