Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
