hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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