in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Randomize
