I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
