Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
