I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Randomize
