Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
