I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
