Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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