So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
