I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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