just tell him i said nine months
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Randomize