"it" just moved
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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