Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
