It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
