I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
