Kiss
Puke
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
