the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
