I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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