I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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