i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
