can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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