I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
