he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
