i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
