I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
