Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
