38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
