i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
