textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
