oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
