i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i drank out of a bidet.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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