S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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