We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
