All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
don't judge my taste in strippers
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
