Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
