Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
