somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
