just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
