I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
