You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
