He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Everything about him screamed your future.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
