one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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