we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
