Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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