woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
