My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
