If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
