if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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