too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
