You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
