dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
and she was petting her beer can
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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