Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
