If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Vodka?
Forever.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
